Author: Tennis Vice

That Time I Got Ghosted By a French DJ

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From: Veronica to Morgan Willis

Date: 4 January 2022

Message:

Hi Morgan, I feel compelled to write to you and tell you how your music has enriched my life. I’ve always been a synthwave fan ever since I was a baby in the 80s. My passion for the genre was reignited after buying the complete series of Miami Vice on a whim at a hardware store about a year ago. I then introduced the show to a man I had just begun dating and over the course of the last year we fell in love with each other, the show, and synthwave music. We also discovered our mutual love of tennis and spent hours upon hours on the tennis court this summer and fall, listening to our favorite synthwave mixes on our Bluetooth speaker.

When we discovered Miami Calling, it was like we found the soundtrack to our happiness and love for each other. It was the perfect music to play tennis to—the steady, rhythmic, yet mellow beats made our swings better! Since my boyfriend and I are both single parents who are budget conscious, we play at the local high school tennis courts because they are nice and better yet—free. Towards the end of the season, a man we saw playing there regularly too came up to us and said “I’ve really enjoyed your music. It’s something I look forward to when I’m here!”

This summer we were inspired to go on a tennis vacation for a weekend to a local lake town nearby called Saugatuck, Michigan. We brought the speaker and played in a very cool public tennis court located downtown. We played all day, listening to Miami Calling, with lots of passersby saying “this is awesome tennis music! Who is this?” Of course we told them!

I live in South Bend, Indiana which is far away from you I’m sure. But I think it would be rad if maybe we can be pen pals. Thank you for being you and sharing your gift of music with others. It has truly impacted my life in such a positive way. Veronica

THEN HE WROTE BACK!!

From: Morgan to Veronica

Date: 14 January 2022

Message:

Hi Veronica,

sorry for the delay.  

your message touched me, I am very happy that my music can accompany you,.

  thank you so much that’s why I make music, your message is a wonderful reward <3

Thank you 

I was so stoked he wrote back!! I spent some time carefully crafting my next response. It had to be perfect.

From: Veronica to Morgan

Date: 8 February 2022

Message:

Hi Morgan,

I wanted to tell you I was so excited to receive your message. I’ve been meaning to write back sooner, but then life happened and I’m just now getting to it. I wanted to ask you: how did you get into synthwave? It seems like your earlier work is more of the House genre, but then there was a switch to synthwave somewhere around Hyperion. What made you switch? I wonder if there’s an interesting story there.

My boyfriend and I are getting ready for tennis season in the spring and are putting together our playlists. Any recommendations? 

Veronica

I am still waiting on those recommendations. My heart is a little broken I got ghosted. But according to the kids, I am besties with a French DJ. In the meantime, you all can enjoy the soundtrack to our love story: The Saugatuck playlist.

Hey Courtney, Can I Score Your Dad’s Digits?

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You never know who is a tennis player. But as soon as you bring it up, there’s a certain light that ignites behind their eyes. A special bond. A secret society of people who just “get it”.

Tennis is an intergenerational sport. We’ve seen people in their 80s on the court, and we regularly play with our kids, the youngest is 5. It’s a sport you can play your whole life. It’s a great way to stay active, get some Vitamin D, fresh air, and quality time with friends and family. All while looking dope AF doing it.

My dad taught me how to play tennis when I was in high school. We spent many evenings after he got off work playing at the high school tennis courts. He would wear his after-work Costco jeans, shirtless because he didn’t want to get his polo sweaty. Picture Top Gun, except tennis. My dad was ripped; still is. Bonding with your high-spirited (read: bitchy) teenage daughter is near impossible, but my dad found a way and that way was through tennis.

Tennis Vice in the 2000s

Recently I came across another tennis dad. You can identify them by the way their eyes light up when you mention grass courts or Agassi, and if they’re old enough– Jimmy Conners. A group of 10 of us were out celebrating at a trendy outdoor downtown bar. We were talking about our tennis vacation in Toledo and then from across the firepit we hear “Thank God you’re not pickleball players” followed by “There are no truly great US tennis players anymore. Serena, Sampras, Agassi, McEnroe, Jimmy Conners, they’re all gone and nobody is stepping up to take their place.” We spent the rest of the night hosting “Tennis Talk” with our friend’s dad and got to hear stories about Wimbledon 1975, and hitting balls with a French junior pro tennis player (“I knew I couldn’t beat him but it was so great hitting balls like that again. I haven’t done that since college.”) The conversation went so well, I turned to my friend and asked “Hey Courtney, can I score your dad’s digits?” The funny thing was, she immediately said “Yep!” without any questions. I’m sure it’s because she knows her tennis dad is rad.

Tennis is an intergenerational sport. When you go to the courts you see people of all ages playing together. You see dads and moms playing with their kids, priests playing with nuns, pre-teen and high school kids, and beer league tennis players.

Tiny Beer League Tennis Players

The thing that binds these people together is their passion for tennis. It’s a sport you can play your entire life and as my dad told me years ago–it’s good for your career, it’s good for your friendships, and it’s good for your relationships. When you play tennis, you’re part of a global community of people of all ages, ethnicities, and backgrounds. And when you meet another tennis player in the wild, it’s like finding your new best friend.

And I found mine–Courtney’s dad.

Best Crab Claws in the Biz

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Sure, being a successful professional tennis player who jet sets around the world playing a game in front of thousands of adoring fans is great. You know what’s not great? Crab claw, or when one arm is super shredded and the other looks like it belongs to a baby. Especially when you’re doing your trademark victory fist pump after scoring that winning shot. Once you spot one, you can never unsee this horror. So naturally, we are sharing this with you so you can share in our pain.

Who has your favorite crab claw? Post in the comments.

The Orlando Connection and How to Break into a Tennis Court

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So there we were standing outside a locked tennis court that the concierge told us was “well-serviced” (free balls, pro shop). Turns out the balls aren’t free. You can’t even buy them. You have to rent them. And they are flat at best! The pro shop was a conex, or “shipping container” for those not in the import/export biz, filled with a couple of lawn mowers, beat up tennis racquets, and broken promises.

Need tennis balls? Publix got you.
Need an emergency lawn flamingo? Publix got you.

Looking at the locked gate, my partner asks “How are we going to get in here?” I say: “I left my wire cutters in my other tennis bag.” Then she says “Hey, what year was this place built?” Looking around at the grounds, I could tell it was from the 1970s. She tries 1-9-7-0. Nope. She tries 1-9-7-1. The lock flies open. Bingo. They can’t outsmart two seasoned Tennis Vice cops.

Two Hard Ass Tennis Vice Cops

Let’s rewind the scene. We landed in Florida at the beginning of December for a 4-day tour. Despite being a seasoned vice detective, it was my partner’s first time in Florida. As we drove down the fevered coke frenzy/Floridapolcalypse Mad Max of I-4, my partner casually asks me “Is that the real Sea World? It really exists?”

We pull in, wheels screeching, into the nearest Pollo Tropical while locals stared at us as we ordered everything on the menu. This was a pilgrimage for me and an initiation for my partner. Of course, it was perfect and she’s now a Pollo junkie, too.

Now, back to tennis. It should have come as no surprise that the tennis court was nice, but like everything else in the hotel, was slightly broken and trashed. We didn’t let that ruin our good time, though. The grounds crew and various wildlife, including a hawk acting as our chair umpire perched on the court’s fence for hours at a time, watched as we took that 1970s hotel into the 1980s with our dope-ass playlist.

After reaching our saturation point for Pollo, we hit International Drive for some Fogo de Chão for what my partner called “A Festival of Meats.” We enjoyed a very decadent 16-course meal in the following order: lamb, beef, beef, beef, chicken, I don’t know I think I blacked out…and quejo asado (fried cheese and honey) for dessert.

Festival of Meats 2021

After gorging ourselves on all of Old MacDonald’s farm, we had a run in with the local riff-raff looking for his next fix. Now, we know from our years on Vice Squad that crime never sleeps. We let him go this time, but he owes us a favor.

Party’s Over, Kid.
Floridaman caught red-handed.

Good food, good drinks, great tennis. Orlando was a great working vacation for a couple of Tennis Vice cops.

Neon Sunsets

We Had to Get Outta Town Fast But We’re Calling It a “Weekend Getaway”

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Let me tell you about a place where they move a lot of weight at the docks. Where you can get fresh cut snow even in May. Rooftop bars, steakhouses, and…neon. I’m talking about a little place called Maumee Bay, the Miami of the Midwest.

So no shit there we were. It was a Friday night and we found ourselves cruising down the industrial waste district, looking for a nice, old-fashioned, wholesome slam shack. You know it’s nice when you have a private garage so no one knows you’re there. The fireplace is roaring, chains hanging from the ceiling, and no windows. Just a nice, ma-and-pop, cozy sex dungeon. The service was EXCELLENT ::chef’s kiss:: right down to the warm Costco muffins after spending a low-key relaxing night hitting all those winners.

A local informant, we’ll call “Izzy” told us about the best public tennis courts in town, Ottawa Park. Let me tell you–Ottawa Park is the South Beach of Toledo. A beautiful array of people–different ages, ethnicities, nationalities, and ability levels. You had the beer league tennis players talking shit to each other: “I saw you hitting that ball machine lately!” “You didn’t see shit, Phil!” Curse words were flyin’ from the other courts where you had Franco-Haitians and Chinese students from University of Toledo battling it out. Then we roll in, with our mint condish Jimmy Conners Slazenger warm-up jackets, sweatbands, and the newest dopest playlist.

After all that tennis we checked in to the Renaissance, a real classy joint downtown with a rooftop bar and dope bartenders with dope earrings (literally). The jerk chicken was so good we came back to get more after unsuccessfully searching downtown for an hour for a place to eat dinner. We even stopped by a fancy steakhouse during this misadventure that had bull dicks drawn on the menus and walls. The waiter was like that scene in Titanic when Leo was trying to be fancy and shit. We blew that place before it hit an iceberg. Back to the rooftop bar in the night sky, and back to our jerk chicken and Miller Lites (years on the Vice Squad gave us a refined palate).

Before we said adios to Toledo, we hit up an art museum and toured a cool, old-ass cargo ship. It was built in 1911 and pulled off the Edwardian-era better than that ox dong restaurant (featured in Titantic 2: The Second One).

If you’re looking for a nice, relaxing weekend with tennis, rooftop bars, slam shacks and water buffalo bacon bazookas, we highly recommend “Pure, uncut –Toledo, Ohio” TM (million-dollar idea and it’s OURS!)

Tennis Vice Squad lookin’ dope AF

Tennis Matches for your Pro-State

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One of the best ways to get better at tennis is watching tennis. While this is not a complete list of dope matches, here’s a list of matches we have found entertaining to get you started.

Best Stache in the biz vs Your older brother who’s too cool for this shit: 2020 R1 New York Open Steve Johnson vs Tennys Sandgren

A guy who rescues animals vs a guy who needed rescue from Australia: 2022 Monte Carlo R2 Alejandro Davidovich Fokina vs Novak Djokovic

Female GOAT vs Male GOAT: 2019 Serena Williams/Francis Tiafoe vs Belinda Bencic/Roger Federer, Hopman Cup

I’m getting too old for this shit: 2001 R4 Wimbledon Roger Federer vs Pete Sampras

Now I’m getting to old for shit: 2021 R3 French Open Dominik Koepfer vs Roger Federer

Tennis, but make it backwards: 2022 R2 Miami Open Stefanos Tsitsipas vs Carlos Alcaraz

The Thunder(dome) from Down Under: 2022 Final Australian Open Daniil Medvedev vs Rafael Nadal

Andre the Giant vs the Step-dad tennis didn’t ask for but he is the only dad it’s got, Slugger: 2022 R2 U.S. Men’s Clay Court Championship John Isner vs Steve Johnson

While you’re at it, have fun checking out the antics in the stands. Tennis might be the only sport where the commentators throw shade at the fans.

Be Cool, Man!

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Tennis and style go way back like pimps & pinky rings. Don’t believe me? Just remember– at Wimbledon you can wear any color as long as it’s white and Lacoste thought playing tennis in a three-piece suit ain’t got no style so he invented the polo shirt in 1926. Think of that next time you wipe your doughnut grease paws on your polo as you scurry to deliver Brenda’s report, because its past deadline again, Gregg! Tennis isn’t all about style but choosing the correct attire may improve your game, or at least make your next deuce #5 less agonizing. 

We’ll start with the most important concept for the aspiring tennis fashionista: the game starts from the feet up. You need actual tennis shoes made for tennis courts. These shoes are known in the biz as “court shoes.” Playing tennis in shoes not made specifically for tennis will lead to foot pain, bruised heels, sore knees, and eventual ankle sprains. In the words of Drake “a sprained ankle ain’t nothing to play with.”

 Court shoes cost between $60 and a couple hundred dollars. The differences between a court shoe and a regular tennis shoe are greater foot padding, tennis specific grip patterns, and large shanks on the outer side of the toe for better lateral support. These features help prevent ankle sprains and other injuries. Court shoes are also specifically designed for the surface you play on, like hard courts, clay, or grass. Buy court shoes for the surface you play on most or buy all-court shoes. Common brands include Adidas, Nike, Babolat, Fila (yeah the same Fila from the 90s), and Prince (the shoe not the musician.) 

I’ll step off of my shoe box and move on to the next important tennis chic concept: heat control. For those of you learning to play under the burning sun like the Majorcan man-god Nadal did; you’ll learn you want to stay as cool as possible for as long as possible. Tennis is a game of mistakes. The hotter you get, the more mistakes you’ll make.

If I’m playing in temps above 95F, it’s Wimbledon everywhere for me–all white! Pastels and neons also reflect sunlight well if you’re feeling more Rafa vibes that day. Dark colors absorb more heat from the sun than lighter ones. Black absorbs the most heat; avoid black at all costs on sunny outdoor courts.

Wear loosely fitting moisture-wicking material to help sweat and heat to leave your body. Moisture-wicking materials do this by absorbing and increasing the surface area sweat across the fabric making sweat evaporate faster. 

When playing long matches, sometimes moisture-wicking material stops breathing as it soaks with sweat. This is hot, miserable, and worst of all MOIST. There are two options here– bring an extra shirt in your bag or if you’re bold, wear a mesh shirt. Look pal, one of Tennis Vice’s favorite looks is a sports bra and a mesh shirt. Mesh: wear it on the tennis courts to impress your tennis partner, then wear it when you’re on trial with the cool court to impress the judge when you embezzle the work Ferrari. Judge’s ruling: I’m cool with that.

The last part of heat control–keep your head cool. When heads get too hot brains run too slow to play well. A cool head will keep you in the game. For a cool head, wear a hat. Trucker hats worn backward work best. They allow hot air to escape and work as sweatband while keeping direct sunlight off your head and the back of your neck. You can also rotate the hat from back forward to help keep the sun out of your eyes. Plus, cross-breeze.

Sunglasses. Nothing says cool than rocking a pair of shades with the top down tearing up the Biscayne at night. But for the tennis court, sunglasses can obscure vision due to optical effects in the lenses. This can throw off hand-eye coordination. You know what else throws off hand eye coordination? Serving into the damn Miami sunset that’s what!

Last piece of advice, kid– be sure to slow-mo walk onto the court, wind in your hair with that dope new Phil Collins track playing in background.

Maximum Rad,

-Sonny.

Neon Sunsets: Building Your Dope Tennis Playlist

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Rule Numero Uno of Tennis Vice: Tennis should be fun. Tennis is difficult and can be frustrating, especially if you are just learning to play or coming back from a long hiatus. Music can keep it fun by helping you stay loose and keeping your frustration in check. Breaking racquets is not a good look. Listening to a dope playlist will also let others know you’re the cool kind of tennis player.

 There’s a few things you’ll need before you set up your dope tennis playlist. 

Tennis on Apple iOS 15.4 A small Bluetooth speaker that fits in your tennis bag with good battery life. Like a JBL Flip 4 or Bose Soundlink Color II 

Tennis on Apple iOS 15.4 Music that matches the rhythm of how you play your game. 

Tennis on Apple iOS 15.4 The playlist should reflect the mood for the day. Keep it carefree and fun. Mix up the tempos but above all, keep it fun.  

Tennis on Apple iOS 15.4 Genres we like are: Synthwave, 80s metal, electronica, disco (believe it or not), reggaeton, Morgan Willis, and Gunship. 

In case you need a little inspiration, here’s some of our favorite tracks (traques) to swing our racquets to:

  1. Maximum Black- Gunship
  2. Fractions- Wayfloe Feat. Jessie Frye
  3. Rush- LeBrock
  4. Miami Nights- Trevor Something
  5. In the Air Tonight- Phil Collins
  6. All Mine- Trevor Something
  7. Vice City-Morgan Willis
  8. Intercepter- mitch murder
  9. This is All We Know- Le Cassette 
  10. Flashlight- Morgan Willis
  11. Crockett’s Revenge- The Midnight
  12. Fantasy- Jessie Frye
  13. Purple Sun- NINA
  14. Crystalline- The Midnight
  15. The Mountain- Gunship
  16. Rain- Jan Hammer
  17. Tom Sawyer- Rush
  18. Return of the Mack – Mark Morrison
  19. Top Gun Anthem – Quixotic
  20. Go Your Own Way – Zak Vortex & Young Empress
  21. The Last of the Mohicans – METALHAWK
  22. Catch My Breath – Colette
  23. Push It To The Limit – Michael Oakley
  24. Tel Aviv – Skeler
  25. Sometimes – Miami Horror
  26. Heartbeats – The Knife
  27. Neon Rain – Paradise Walk
  28. Make You Sweat – Le Flex
  29. You Know That You Love Me – PRIZM
  30. Sígueme (Remix) – Feid & Sech

We are always looking for the next dope tennis playlist, so share your favorite tracks in the comments.

Have You Ever Considered A Career in Southern Fun Enforcement?

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Tennis Vice has a passion for creating new tennis players and getting people back into the sport through fun, accessibility, and maximum rad! We provide information for new players as well as tips for working tennis into everyday life, vacations, fitness, injury prevention, and…style.

Our blog covers subject matter such as: the joys of mini weekend tennis getaways, learning to play despite the demands of adult life, and how to have fun with tennis. We believe tennis should be, above all fun for everyone.

This blog is about fun. Put that racquet club stuffiness to the left, to the left. Lighten up, strap in, and join us on this go-fast boat freeride on the Biscayne of life.